Artemis Clones Himself
by Lady Edelweiss
Summary: The title says it all. Also, this was started before the Opal Deception came out, so....
1. He Clones Himself

Disclaimer-I am not the brilliant Eoin Colfer.

Yes, I know perfectly well that I am insane, starting yet another fic, I had to murder The Halloween Ball to manage to juggle all the other stories I started. But I really like this idea…be good…don't steal it…

Chapter 1- He clones himself.

"Butler! Is everything ready?" Artemis Fowl II called. "Everything in my lab must be absolutely perfect if this is to succeed at all!"

"Really, Artemis, I don't see why all this is necessary. Your project will be perfectly fine without all this fuss," Juliet told him.

"Mother says I should try to act my age. This is one case where I will allow myself a moment of childishness," Artemis replied.

"It's ready!" a shout could be heard from the lab that Angeline Fowl had agreed to have constructed for her son. Artemis and Juliet proceeded to lab. They looked in.

"Artemis, are you sure that this is entirely safe? I don't mean just your, um, moment of childishness, I mean the actual cloning process. Are you absolutely positive that you won't harm yourself?" Butler looked as if they were all standing just outside a very black, gloomy, dark house surrounded by a legion of thorn-bushes, about to go in.

"Butler, I am the youngest mastermind to ever walk this planet or what? It's not like I haven't gone on other crazy, insane adventures before. I'll be perfectly fine," Artemis said.

"Couldn't you at least use me as your test subject? Madame Ko would be most displeased when she finds out about this," Butler replied.

"No, Butler. I cannot let anyone else take the risk, should it go wrong. And I'm not saying it will. I even had Foaly look the whole thing over, and he says there's no reason why it shouldn't work.

"Still, we'd feel a lot better if he was actually here, overseeing this," Juliet said.

"Well, in a way, he will be," Artemis said as he set up what looked like a mirror with lots of different buttons at the edges. He pressed one of them, and Foaly's head filled the screen. They could see Holly and a very disgruntled-looking Opal Koboi in the background.

"Mud boy, it's best if you just get on with it. Better not to think about it when you embark on a most perilous journey," Foaly greeted them.

"For the last time, this is perfectly safe. You should know, both you and Koboi there looked the whole thing over. Now, let's just do this," Artemis was beginning to get seriously impatient now. Butler sighed and flicked a switch on the wall. The lab was immediately filled with eerie lights and weak imitations of lightning. Brightly colored liquids began to bubble.

"Oh, boy," Holly muttered at this little scene. Artemis, at that moment let out an evil cackle most unlike his usual voice. Then, he slowly walked into a contraption that looked like a mini-elevator. The special effects died down, and the lab was relatively calm again.

Juliet and Butler took their places, and started pushing various buttons and connecting various wires. Then, the whole group, both in Fowl Manor and in the Ops Booth of Police Plaza held their breath. They waited for several long, dragging, agonizing minutes. Then the mini-elevator thing started to whirr, and odd noises began to sound. Then, it stopped.

"Come on boys, your clothes are all laid out for you here. Done? Well, open this thing!" Artemis's voice was filled with hardly restrained glee. The door opened, and not one, but five Artemises stepped out. All bore huge grins that were so rarely seen on his (their) face(s).

"Oh, my gosh! YOU DID IT!" Juliet screamed. Butler clapped the lead Artemis on the back saying, "Congratulations, Artemis."

"D'Arvit!" Opal could be heard muttering. No doubt she was not pleased at the fact that a mere human, and a child at that, had beaten her to anything. Foaly and Holly were both nearly dancing in delight despite themselves, and the Artemises were still grinning like idiots, well, actually, geniuses.


	2. Angeline Fowl, Artemis Fowl Senior, and ...

A.N. Wow, I've like, finally updated. This takes place after the Eternity Code, and after Artemis has regained his memory and somehow made peace with the People.

**Ariana the musical genius**- Yes, your Majesty, I shall obey.

**sgarecool321**- Thank you!

**Artemis**- Yes, more Artemises for you, more havoc, insanity, and chaos for me.

**Raablyn**- Actually, Artemis has pretty much Raistlin's reasons. Of course, money is a plus, but, hey! I'm about to reveal my secret plot to you! You hypnotized me! Hmph! Read and find out the plot. WolfPriestess is not spiderandDottiluver229. We are different people. Go on Terrouge and see for yourself.

**orangUtan100- **Yes, it was a cool idea, and I have updated.

**Cyberspace**- You will have to read to find out.

**almostinsane**- As you can see, I've updated.

A Pickel named fredJoeBob- You're name is most interesting. I like it. 

**Chapter 2- Angeline Fowl, Artemis Fowl Senior, and the Artemises**

Enter Angeline Fowl.

"Arty! Butler! Juliet! Come, it is time for dinner! Who are your friends here-" Angeline stopped in her tracks. Nobody spoke for several long moments. "I must be hallucinating. Am I seeing double? What on Earth happened here!" With that, Angeline fainted.

"Mother!" All five Artemises crowded around her.

"Fowl!" Holly growled from the screen. "Didn't you tell her what you were doing?"

"We-ell…" the Artemises looked very uncomfortable indeed. One of them piped up, "If I, er, we told her, she wouldn't have let us proceed with it!"

"Butler? What do you have to say about this?" Holly turned on the bodyguard.

"I agree with Artemis, Captain Short. I was reluctant to let him do this, as you know, but I could see there was no stopping him. However, if we let Mrs. Fowl in on this, she would have told Artemis Fowl, Sr., and he would have put a stop to this for sure!" Butler stood by (the) Artemis (es).

"Besides, what's done is done." Juliet also sided with them/him. "We should get her up to her room." Showing her superior strength, she picked up Angeline easily and started towards her room.

Later….

Angeline opened her eyes, then immediately shut them again. She groaned. After several seconds, she reopened them.

"I wasn't dreaming, then?" Slowly, everybody shook their head. "Oh, Arty, what happened?"

"Well, you see, Mother, I, um… well…" The original Artemis stammered, which was very, very, very, very, _very_ unusual behavior for him.

"Mrs. Fowl, your son cloned himself," Juliet cut in.

Angeline remained speechless for probably a whole minute until she managed to splutter two words. "Y—y-your f-f-father-r-r-r." Then she fainted once again.

"Artemis. Do you really expect me to believe that you managed to clone yourself… without getting a punishment!" Artemis Senior roared.

"So… you believe me?" Artemis Junior the Original ventured tentatively.

"Oh, I believe you, all right. You didn't expect that I would ignore your remarkable progress all these years, would you? But I thought that you would have thought twice before doing something so _dangerous_! How do you know you aren't suffering a horrible side effect right now? For all you know, your life span could have been shortened by 80 years! What if you can't reverse this?" Artemis Senior thundered on as the Artemis Juniors all quailed under his outburst. "Well, what have you got to say for yourself?"

"We're sorry, Father," one of them whispered.

"What's our punishment?" Another spoke.

"Is it St. Bartelby's again?" The Original asked.

"Oh, no. No, no, no. Artemis, you are being… _grounded_."


	3. The Naming of the Clones

A.N. - Drat. Book 4 came out, and it was like…. Whoa. Did Eoin Colfer read my fic and purposefully write the next book to go against everything my fic tells you? Grr. Oh, well, I have to proceed, right?

Thankee to all my wonderful reviewers supporting my fic! (Real happy dance)

Chapter 3 – The Naming of the Clones

On the third floor of Fowl Manor, if you peeked in through just the right windows, you would see a curious sight. Five people were occupying three bedrooms on the West Wing of the huge estate. All of these five people looked curiously and freakishly and unnaturally alike.

There were two clones in two separate bedrooms, and Artemis the Original in a separate bedroom. Each and every one of the teenagers was sulking in true teenager fashion. Artemis very rarely sulked, in fact, he had only done it once in his life, but he had been doing a lot of things he very rarely did within the past two days.

And he had been grounded. Now how often did that happen to an evil, plotting, child prodigy that had more than the IQ of both his parents' added together? Never, I'll tell you that. But it had happened to Artemis Fowl II.

Instead of the cheering, hugging, and praising he had expected when his parents found out about his accomplishment, his father had grounded him. A few years ago the man would have shaken his hand and welcomed his son to the family business. But now, since Holly had healed him and given him this new attitude, Artemis Fowl I had seen fit to punish his son in a most indignant manner. It was very discouraging for Artemis II.

But he wasn't _just_ sulking, of course. Butler and Juliet had both also received sharp reprimands from Artemis Senior, and Angeline was still in a state of shock. Artemis the Original was conjuring up a plan to set these matters as right as he could.

The clones were walking around, flexing what little muscles they had, and all in all getting used to themselves. It was all a very new experience to them. But they also had Artemis's intelligence, if not yet his wisdom of fifteen years. So, of course, they were rather busy, too. The clones had been instructed to stay in their assigned rooms, but they, unlike Artemis the Original, had not had their doors firmly locked.

"Come on, I don't see anyone in the hallway," one Artemis waved to the other over while speaking in a hushed tone.

"All right, all right, Artemis, I'm coming!" the other Artemis said irritably as he followed the first Artemis. The two silently padded over to the room next door, wincing at the creak of the door. They did not want to face the wrath of Artemis Senior again.

"Hello, well, come on!" a third Artemis said to the two coming in.

"Yes, yes, we're hurrying as best we can!" the first one to speak snapped at the third one. "Can't you be patient?" he asked as he closed the door and peered around the room.

"Well, gentlemen, I propose we assign each other _separate_ names," the last Artemis, who had not spoken before now, said to the others.

"Of course. Inspired idea, though, if I do say so myself, it was quite obvious," quipped the one who was in the room with the one that had just spoken.

"Well, no use standing here trading flattery, come one! Think of names!" The one who had called to the other to hurry up to get out of the room tapped his loafered left foot rather impatiently.

The one who had first suggested the idea cleared his throat. "I propose that we each choose our names. I myself will give myself the name Apollo." The other three immediately began to bicker.

"And why do you get right of way, may I ask?" one asked angrily.

"Yes, I quite agree. _I_ was going to suggest the name Apollo for myself!" another said, glaring at the one sitting on one of the twin beds.

"Settle down, gentlemen! I myself was too, going to suggest the name Apollo," the last one spoke up.

"Well we can't all be Apollo," the one who first suggested the name Apollo declared and threw down his hands in exasperation.

"I see that this discussion is not going in any particular direction, gentlemen. So I suppose I shall select another name for myself. I will be known as Hephaestus." The other two nodded in acknowledgement, not even bothering to point out that they, too, had thought of Hephaestus.

"Then I will claim Hermes," the third said, smiling at the others' choices.

"Well, Apollo, Hephaestus, Hermes," the last said, nodding, "I take the god Poseidon."

All four chuckled at these names, and seated themselves on the two beds to await their fate.


End file.
